For several years my routine has included watching “Headlines” each Monday night on Leno. Here are a few headlines not appearing on Leno but offering a good dose of wordplay:
In a report about a music festival going on despite a court prohibition: “The Banned Played On”
On a story about a cat trapped between two buildings for five hours before being rescued: “Get Meowt!”
In a story on the reduction of county revenue: “County Seat Feels Pinch”
In an article on the gradual conversion to the metric system: “U.S. Is Playing Follow The Liter”
On a garden column recommending composting: “You Can’t Have Too Mulch”
On a story on the challenge of eating snails: “Well, That’s The Way The Escargots”
On the changing wardrobe of nuns: “Nuns Experiment With New Habits”
“Escaped Leopard Believed Spotted”
“Massage Parlors Rub City Officials Wrong Way”
“River Bill Up The Creek”
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And there are these puns offered by the readers of the San Franciso Chronicle. Columnist Herb Caen invented a game in which readers concoct names for animals. Consider these:
A Collie named Flower
Boxer named Shorts
Donkey named Shane
Crow named Magnon
Gopher named Broke
Kitten named Kaboodle
Cat named Mandu
Horse named Greeley
Mouse named Mousey Tung
Sparrow named Agnew
Rabbit named Transit
Pigeon named Toad
Frog named Horn
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And, here are a few other instances of noted wordplay:
We were searching for a stopping place after a hard day of driving. “There was a motel back there, “sighed my mother wistfully, “but that was neons ago!” (Selma Raskin)
Show me a jittery king and I’ll show you a nervous rex. (Robert Fitch)
Pediatricians are men of little patients. (Shelby Friedman)
Dermatologists make rash judgments. (Patricia Majewski)
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