A guy is driving through Texas and he sees a sign in front of a house:
“Talking Dog for Sale.”
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.
“You talk?” he asks.
“Yes, I do,” the Lab replies.
“So, what’s your story?”
The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
“Ten dollars,” the guy says.
“Ten dollars!!? Is that all? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”
“Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that crap”
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Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.
The first man had married a woman from Colorado and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Nebraska. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a girl from Texas. He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.
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As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn’t!
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, “How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!”
The Texan smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind’a figured we was friends.”
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I have lived all over the U.S. and Arizona is not the state that I would have guessed to be the stupidest state.
According to the private research and publishing company’s new survey, when they were handing out smarts, Arizona (dead last for the second year in a row, no less) was hanging out with California, Mississippi and Nevada at the back of the line, Central Florida’s Local 6 reports.
Beg to differ?
The folks in Vermont probably don’t. The Green Mountain State was ranked the smartest of them all, followed by Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Jersey and Maine.
The survey has Texas as the Lone Star of mediocrity at No. 25, New York making an appearance at No. 16 and Florida chilling with the other underachievers at No. 29.
The annual rankings are based on 21 elementary and secondary education indicators, ranging from test scores and graduation rates to class size and teacher’s salaries. MORE
