Having trouble selling your house? Is the tax assessment too high?
Here’s why…
In the current housing market this is your house as you see it.
This is your house as your buyer sees it.
This is your house as your lender sees it.
This is your house as your appraiser sees it.
And, this is your house as your county tax assessor sees it.
Good luck. You are going to need it.
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don’t “HAVE” them, you “PITCH” them.
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Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up “a mess.”
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Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of “yonder.”
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Only a Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is, . As in: “Going to town, be back directly.”
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Even Southern babies know that “Gimme some sugar” is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
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All Southerners know exactly when “by and by” is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
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Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
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Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “right near” and “a right far piece.” They also know that “just down the road” can be 1 mile or 20.
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No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
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A Southerner knows that “fixin” can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
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Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, … And when we’re “in line,” … We talk to everybody!
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Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they’re related, even if only by marriage.
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In the South, y’all is singular, .. All y’all is plural.
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Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
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Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, AND coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
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When you hear someone say, “Well, I caught myself lookin’,” you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
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Only true Southerners say “sweet tea” and “sweet milk.” Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it — we do not like our tea unsweetened. “Sweet milk” means you don’t want buttermilk.
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And a true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,”Bless her heart” … And go your own way.
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To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
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And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, Bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin’ to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
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And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y’all need a sign to hang on y’alls front porch that reads “I ain’t from the South, but I got here as fast as I could.”
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Related Content
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Looking for a craft or project? Why not create your own Guardian Angel?
A quick Google search will turn up hundreds of sites claiming that orbs appearing in photos are ghosts/dead relatives/fairies/guardian spirits — depending on the worldview of the storyteller. It seems that over the last few decades these orbs have miraculously started appearing in photographs. Logically, if an orb appears in a photo, it must be a ghost. Right?
Actually, it is a matter of optics, not super-naturalism. The orbs started appearing simultaneously with the growth in digital photography. When a digital camera using a flash takes a photo and there is some kind of side lighting the camera interprets the feedback from air-born dust and pollen in his way. To make your own orb photo, use a digital camera with flash in a slightly darkened room and wave a duster around before taking the photo… ta da, guardian angels.
I certainly believe in the supernatural, and thank God for any and all guardian angels that might be looking out for me. But to believe that orbs in pictures are guardian angels or ghosts makes as much sense as believing that red-eyes for a person in a photo means that they are demon possessed.
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George Phillips, age 82 of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked ‘Is someone in your house?’ He said ‘No.’ Then they said ‘All patrols were busy.. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.’ George said, ‘Okay’.
He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again. ‘Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I just shot them.’ and hung up. Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence, and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George, ‘I thought you said that you shot them!’ George said, ‘I thought you said there was nobody available!’
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SIMILAR CONTENT
Is he obsessed? Possessed? Does he need to be assessed? This Californian man stored his trash in the basement of his own house for a year.
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 350 for about 20 minutes.
I didn’t know that Jesus spent a lot of time policing the motoring skills of Texas drivers, but maybe that is what the advertising campaign means when it says “The eyes of Texas are upon you…”
Associated Press
SAN ANTONIO – A man who rammed his truck into a woman’s vehicle on a highway early Friday told authorities he crashed into her while going more than 100 mph because God told him “she needed to be taken off the road.”
The truck rear-ended the car on U.S. Highway 281, both vehicles spun across a median then came to a stop along a barrier in the opposite lanes. Both drivers suffered only minor injuries.
“He just said God said she wasn’t driving right, and she needed to be taken off the road,” Bexar County Sheriff’s Office spokesman Kyle Coleman said in the online edition of the San Antonio Express-News. “God must have been with them, ’cause any other time, the severity of this crash, it would have been a fatal.”
The pickup driver did not tell police how the woman was driving. Police could not find alcohol or drugs in either driver.
A psychiatric evaluation has been ordered for a man.
